I belong here, no matter what

Cindy Adams

I have returned myself from our nation's western frontier, a strange land where the natives never saw a part of a woman's anatomy they did not wish to expose.

And I am thankful -- yea, grateful -- to be back in the perfection that is New York. New York, home of our former politicos Joe Bruno and Alan Hevesi and Staten Island's baby-making machine Vito Fossella, and our longtime Rep. Charlie Rangel, who is stepping down as chairman of the Ways and Means Committee. We also got those almost next in line to the governorship beauties Espada and Monserrate, whose own legal troubles might've kept them busier than Paterson. How's Westchester's Mayor Bradley, whose missus recently accused him of a little abuse then took it back a little? Skipping over former Gov. Spitzer, we now got upstate's Dem. Rep. Eric Massa, who nobody even knew existed until a male staffer accused him of attempted diddling.

But it's New York. It's my New York. And I'm entitled to say whatever I wish because, barring Miss Liberty, nobody's watched over New York longer. And She has no column.

LEFTOVERS: Oscaree Sandra's metallic gown had a mermaid-style fishnet tail. She kept checking it to be sure no other big fish swam onto it . . . Tarantino's tie stayed at half mast . . . Presenter Amy Ryan at Friday's Independent Spirit Awards left early Saturday for NYC. Didn't even wait for the main bout . . . Beautiful short-haired Mena Suvari on the large-sized tattoo right at the nape of her neck: "It was very painful. Hurt a lot to do." So why do it? "I believe to express your inner feelings this way is part of your soul." Right . . . Sarah Jessica and Matthew, whom I thought hit Vanity Fair's party, did not. Too bad. They'd have had a great time . . . At one point Maggie Gyllenhaal said: "Can't lean over. My breasts might pop out of my dress."

Lenny Kravitz intro duced me to Zoe, his gorgeous child by way of Lisa Bonet. "She's already made six movies. She's coming out soon in 'Yelling to the Sky' with Gabourey Sidibe. And she's the lead singer in Elevator Fight, which is her own band and which is playing South by Southwest." This kid is a hot 21.

"She loves show business like I do," said Lenny. "Every facet of it. I love show business. I love the movies. In fact, I just came in from the Bahamas, and on the stopover in Miami I went to the theater to see 'Avatar.' "

Lenny, whose table was guarded by a server so the masses could not approach until he finished dinner, then stood up looking for elusive "Precious" director Lee Daniels. "I've been trying to locate him," he said. At which point somebody with a big mouth -- I think, me -- said, "Oh, honey, if he were a female you'd have found him hours ago."

Now, to the Queen of England. The real, reigning one. Elton, not Elizabeth. Every Academy Awards he throws a gala for the Elton John AIDS Foundation, a party people die for invitations to. I was en route but couldn't get there, and it was a whole mess so, now that everyone's already written about it, I only have shreds to share. But I want to share it because I love the Elton John AIDS Foundation, which this year raised $3.7 million.

I also love the guest list. This year it ricocheted from Jamie Foxx, Heidi Klum, the Osbournes, the Jonas Brothers, Simon Cowell, Victoria Beckham, Chace Crawford to Olympian Apolo Ohno. Although I am of the wrong persuasion, I also love David Furnish, Elton's wife or husband or whatever.

The auctions are mind-boggling. One lot was a group of 10 for a trip to Elton's mansion in Windsor or Nice. Another, a Vanity Fair party invite that went for $130,000. Another, two handsful of big glorious diamond rings.

If you're not already Elton'd out, tonight's his VIP invitation-only preshow at the Helen Hayes. It's for a little taste of the Broadway extravaganza he plans to produce here next fall. Tonight's event is titled "Next Fall."

PETE Sampras unload ing his 13,000-square- foot California house. He wants $25 mil. What he gets, who knows? It's 20 acres, hilltop, seven bedrooms, usual tennis court, usual swimming pool, usual theater, usual gym, usual guesthouse. The LA Times mentions his johns. Seems he can seat 11 . . .

And 'twas the New York contingent -- Meryl Streep, Stanley Tucci -- spotted around the Montage Hotel . . . And 'tis the young new Hollywood contingent -- as in the Hayden Panettiere bunch -- whose new sip of choice is champagne and tequila shots. And you should hear what comes from those rosebud lips besides boozy breath.

REALTOR Sondra Hassman's Chinatown fortune cookie said: "Take advantage. This is your lucky week." She played the lottery numbers on her fortune-cookie paper. And won a few hundred.

Only in New York, kids, only in New York.